I hate a lot and that’s a problem

Being negative is something I’ve been really good at since … forever.

I fucking hate fake ass bitches, I hate bananas, I hate assholes.

Saying that I hate something (or someone) and neglecting it has always been very easy for me until I realized what kind of consequences it had:
My hatred doesn’t change shit.

Not that I’ve ever planned to change bananas but every time I encounter an ideology that I hate, I became aware of the limitation of my own attitude and refusal of engagement.

Does a racist really change his troublesome attitude because I spit in his face and shout “I fucking hate your stupid dumb ass racist comment”? Out of experience, I can tell you: No, that person won’t change. It most likely only fuels their own hatred towards anyone disagreeing. Yupp, that is the point when I start hating myself for hating so much and begun to differentiate between

a.) what I really hate (Is it the individual, their behaviour or their attitude)

b.) what I really feel (is it truly anger or is it more a disappointment, fear or hurt pride?)

c.) what I really want to be different

Call it overcomplicating but there are a few things that I care more about than the convenience of ending a conflict by declaring “I hate this shit and will hereby not bother to deal with it!”.

I’m still pretty bad at it and often fail to engage people or burst in a total rant before I am even able to reflect what truly bothers me. Yeah, hate that.

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