Not my friends

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I do love my friends with all my heart and I am usually excited to meet their friends as well. For most of the time I get along with them very very well and it enriches me on many levels. I tend to believe that interesting people enjoy each others company.
However, this is not always the case. On very rare occasions I get reminded that disappointments come in all shapes.

While I do value my friend’s company hanging out with their crowd can be a pain in the ass – for different reasons. Not having the option of simply leaving or avoiding interaction with people you are not connecting with sucks balls. You are forced to deal with the situation and being forced is something I hate.
Embracing these situations is a lesson I had to learn after being extremely rude and anti-social at several events. Apparently taking your book and sitting on the balcony all by yourself while everyone is playing games is not the most respectful way.

  1. Realize that there is something good in these people even though all you can see is a disappointing existence. Find it and focus on it.
  2. Remind yourself that it’s not about you but about your friend. It’s their day and this is why you are here in the first place.
  3. Find the most interesting person and try talk with them.
  4. Find a safe place where you can retreat when shit gets too much in order to rant with your other friends. Make an exit plan if needed.

Be honest

I won’t lie here: I have very high standards when it comes to my environment. My time is simply too precious to be wasted on people I don’t like. In the past, I had several situations where I realized that my friends are hanging out with people I am not connecting with and it is very hard to say: “Sorry, but I don’t like your friends.” Being nice has nothing to do with faking affection. There is no need on lying to your friends and it should be in your and your friends’ interest to have a foundation of honesty and trust. Use kind words to explain them, that you don’t enjoy being around these people while underlining that you are happy that your friend is happy with them.

However sometimes nice words are not doing their job and your friend might feel offended or hurt because their peer group is not good enough. Well, that sucks because their friends are indeed not good enough but they should kind of get over it and stop inviting you to their crap sit-ins or bring them to your parties.

I usually say that I am sorry because I truly am. I wish these people would be less disappointing, but here we are. What should we do? If your friendship is strong you will find a way and get over it. If not and your friend keeps pushing these people on you well knowing that you don’t like them: Is that person really your friend?

Public Transport: The Impossible Challenge

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by giphy.com

I fucking hate people in public transport. There is no other way to describe it: Most people in the subway are making me furious and I almost forget my inner peace and all that mindful breathing and shit and I would love to yell the crap out of them.

BUT I DON’T
because you know violence is not an option and I am trying to be a better person and all that stuff.

However, I would like to discuss what exactly is problematic in public transportation. Whether people are blocking the way, talking loud or pushing others in the train: Most cases are caused by utter mindlessness and that is what upsets me the most. To me, it is very frustrating since I am usually struggling between bursting into a rant or meditating my angry ass down while others obviously don’t give a single fuck about their behaviour. ZERO.

Here are the Top 10 of people in public transport that upset me starting with things I can kind of understand to things I have zero sympathies with :

  • #10: Regular drunk people
    Ok, they usually don’t upset me and just make me sad.
  • #9: Smelly people
    Whether it’s due a very bad snack choice, alcohol, personal hygiene or health condition. I usually understand it and simply find me another place to stand/sit.
  • #8: People sharing their argument with the entire train
    I do have some little understanding for it because sometimes you are just very emotional and you can’t keep it down. However, after 20min you should try to find a better place to solve your situation.
  • #7: Drunk party people
    Ok, I get it. You want to have the time of your life and this is why you chuck down cheap booze. Fine, I’ve been there too. Just make sure you don’t bother others too much.
  • #6: People taking several seats for no reason
  • #5: People sharing their music with the entire train
  • #4: People blocking in the way by standing
  • #3: People blocking the way by walking slow AF
  • #2: Big (school) groups because they are pretty much a mix of everything
  • #1: People who are pushing

Among these things, you have different motivations and reasons. While some things occur out of simple unawareness or conditions that you just can’t change (I would say that applies to #10 – #6) others were based on a selfish decision. In the following, I would like to explain what exactly my problem is with my top 5.

Sharing your music with the entire train

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I get it. You are either in the belief that your taste in music is some kind of unique cultural experience that has to be spread or you need attention. Whatever it is for that moment you are placing your own needs above the needs of everyone else in the train. This is selfish. I highly doubt that anyone is unaware of the volume of their music if they turn it on full blast without headphones. Like bitch pls.

Blocking the way by standing

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by giphy.com

It’s just straight up mindless. Most people I have encountered were not blocking the way because they decided to do so or because they are mean. I am talking about the ones who get on the train, stop there immediately so everyone behind them can’t get inside. I am usually not judging the individual person but the fact that they fail to have a look around them sucks. My wish is people could realize that it’s not enough just to look after yourself. After all, it’s a shared space and mindfulness is important. I don’t think it’s too much to say: “Hey, I am not the only person using public transport. Let’s make sure others get in as well.”

Blocking the way by walking slow AF

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Get on the train or get out- easy as that. I have no understanding for people who have to do a million things during that process. To make this clear: I am not talking about people who are slow due health conditions. I am talking about people who are trying to extend a conversation while getting out or people who are sucked up into their phone screens and try to read a BuzzFeed article while getting in or any other activity that is slowing down their pace.
GET IT TOGETHER! It’s a.) careless and b.) affecting everyone behind you. Some people need a seat due health condition, some really need to get that train and can’t wait for you to finish whatever dafuq you are doing. Again it’s about you placing your own needs above the needs of everyone else around you. Thank you for nothing.

Big groups

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by giphy.com

Just sum up the stuff above.

Pushing others

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by giphy.com

So listen, I am probably just as pissed as you are but dammit I get my shit together and don’t physically attack others ok? So dafuq is your justification for using violence instead of words?! Like no. Just no.

I am a really angry woman but even I avoid pushing people as good as I can. Before I get too angry I try to convince myself that each and every annoying situation is due unawareness. On good days I talk to the people, explain my impression and hope for a compromise.
Sometimes you just don’t have the energy or nerves for mindful interaction and that’s ok. On bad days I try to make the train ride less shitty by listening to music or focus on something nicer.  Is the situation really worth ruining my entire day? I doubt it.
There is a difference between embracing your anger and clinging to it. While I do accept the legitimacy of my bad mood I also focus on the fact this annoying situation will be over at some point.

Cherish your exit of that train, maybe curse but you made it without getting into a fight! DOPE!