There are days I can’t answer the question “how is your day” with “great”. On some days, I want to share my stressful encounter with others because it helps me process. What I need is the reassurance that my emotions are legit. Hearing that my struggle is not worth to be dealt with is hurtful. However, this is sadly the vibe I get from people who live by the slogan “team no bad vibes”.
Friends who understand and support you are important. To me, these two aspects distinguish between superficial and meaningful relationships. Over the last years, receiving compassion and empathy have become very important for my well being. Are my friends listening to me? Are they taking my problems seriously?
In general, I really can’t complain. My closest friends are giving me all the needed support to stay healthy and sane. These are the people who have been knowing me for years and learned my language.
Most of the time, I am only irritated when I meet new people. Maybe it’s because I’m particularly bad at small talk, but I feel negative topics are remarkably hard to handle. I realised that sincere listening is not a standard within human interaction. In fact, humans suck at communicating. They suck balls.
Talking about meaningless topics, such as the weather, is ok for a first conversation. On the long run, small-talk doesn’t stimulate me. It doesn’t reveal anything about the other person. I get bored. Sharing my struggles and fears have been my way to express my trust in others. I want them to understand how my emotions work. However, honesty doesn’t seem to sell well. Most of the time people try to shut down the topic with replies á la “ah don’t stress about it” or “wow” before changing to a more meaningless trope.
Some things seem to be more important than giving emotional support.
The general incapability to acknowledge others worries hurts me sometimes. Especially when the person has been seeing me for a few months and claims to care. Yes, negativity shouldn’t rule your life. However, telling others the emotion they feel is no legit doesn’t help either. In fact, taking away their emotional credibility is more hurtful than admitting you can’t help.
“It’s only bad when you allow it to be bad!”
This behaviour is feeding the existing pain.
Over the past weeks, I sadly came to the conclusion that it doesn’t matter how much you like somebody. Sometimes people can’t give you the emotional support you need. Sometimes you can’t involvement them deeper into your life. Some friendships are doomed to stay shallow and meaningless.